In the past, some psychologists saw fantasies as something negative. Something that all patients should avoid in order to have a balanced life. However, today we know that fantasies could be beneficial for your mental health as long as you know that you are fantasizing. This sounds complex but it’s easy to understand. Fantasies (not only sexual but all kind of fictional scenarios in our mind) are essential to take a break from reality and relax from the stress of our normal life. Nevertheless, the key is to understand that those fantasies are just creations of our brain that can help us to relax but we shouldn’t spend too much time fantasizing and stop working in our personal aims in the real world.

The benefits of fantasize.

Esther Perel, therapist and author of the best seller “Mating in captivity”, wrote about the new attitude in psychotherapy towards fantasies, she wrote “In my own practice, I’ve come to view fantasy as a valuable imaginative resource, whether it is cultivated by individuals or jointly by couples. The ability to go anywhere in our imagination is a pure expression of individual freedom. It is a creative force that can help us transcend reality. By giving us an occasional escape from a relationship, it serves as a powerful antidote to loss of libido within the relationship. Simply put, love and tenderness are enriched by the spice of imagination” (Perel, 2007).

Perel’s advice is useful not only to understand the benefits of sexual fantasies in relationships but to appreciate the power of our mind to create scenarios that can transcend reality. Fantasies are not only useful to understand our psyche but also to take a little break from reality.

Probably you learnt some meditation techniques where with your eyes closed and deep breaths you needed to imagine that you were walking in a forest or at the beach in order to feel more relaxed. Some people fantasize about other things, like visiting a magical land from a novel or videogame, or dancing under the stars with a famous and good looking actor. Regardless of what fantasy is your predilect, when we use these techniques, we use the power of our mind to be in places where we can feel safe and happier, at least for a couple of minutes. And then we come back to the real world feeling better.

The importance is understand where reality begins.

The biggest fear for a lot of people towards fantasies was that these could lead to permanently lose contact with reality. It is an understandable fear, however we know now that this could be avoidable if we are aware that our fantasies are just briefs escapes from reality and not the real life. A good method to avoid this issue is increase our body awareness. A term which means be aware of our body sensations with the world. Walks in the nature, breathing, yoga, exercise, cold showers are great ways to stay in contact with reality and the present. To conclude, we need to remember that fantasies are not negative if we are intelligent and we always return to the real world by the high sensitivity of our organic bodies.

References

Perel, E. (2007) Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. 1st ed. Harper Collins. New York.

An Evening with Esther Perel (2020) [Online] https://artsandlectures.ucsb.edu/Details.aspx?PerfNum=4136